New Years, Old Me…?

new years

 

New Year, Old Me…?

I can’t believe it’s already 2019, time really needs to slow down because I do not have it together. Most people say ” New Year, New Me” but I’m actually trying to be the old happy me… the end of 2018 really had me all messed up. The last 7 months I was definitely struggling with myself, and in all honesty, I still am. I struggled because I just felt/feel so out of place. I didn’t know what my purpose was. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, or career. I lost all my love and passion for Jesus, makeup and fashion and anything I really cared about. (Besides Isaac) I was so uninspired, that I never wanted to get up or even get ready. The days that I would get ready I’d force myself too, in hopes that it would make me feel better about myself, but it didn’t. In fact it actually made it worse for me, because I felt like I was just lying to myself and lying to everyone. I struggled so much with myself and with everything around me, and it was so hard for  me to even ‘act’ happy. I felt so far from God – which I know was/is part of my problem. I put God on the back burner, and I put other things before Him. I KNEW in my heart that, that was my problem. I’d cry and pray for Him to help me and put that desire back into my heart…but how is He supposed to move mountains for me if I cant even move around my schedule for Him?  2019 I’m working on being better; I am still working to give God, His rightful place in my life, and in everything I do. I know by doing that God will give me the love and passion, because GOD IS LOVE. I know God promises to make something good out of the storm that brings devastation to my life. In Romans 8:26 it says “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose. ” I know by me getting my life in order, God will give me all the desires of my heart; and right now that’s just to be truly happy and to have love. That’s what I am working on… to change my relationship with God, so HE can change my heart and change my life. As of right now I still don’t know what the purpose of my life is, but I am willing to let God guide me. I know that under all this confusion and depression I love God, I love my family, I love makeup and fashion, and I love working for the Lord. Now its just up to me to let God in….

 

Cheers to what God will do in 2019!

 

XOXO – Michelle Cordero-Lopez

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